Today, I went to some jewelry stores looking for a pentacle charm and as I was asking about it, I noticed the strange look that the employees gave me in each store. Some of them didn't know what I was asking for while the others recommended some other types of charms, like the Star of David, I could tell that they just wanted to make a sale since they didn't know the difference. I wasn't sure if they knew that these symbols were not just "pretty charms" instead of representations of different concepts and beliefs.
I left empty handed from every store and I was somewhat confused and disappointed. It was then when I realized something... I'm as guilty as them. I felt sickened by this thought. It hadn't occurred to me that I once was like this, in my Christian days. Judgmental, finger pointing, holier-than-thou attitude. I felt the weight of the world on me.
Now, I'm not saying that every Christian is like that, I'm just saying that I was and I was wrong. I'm guilty. Guilty of so many times looking at people of different faiths and thinking "They'll burn in hell if they don't change their ways". Guilty of trying to convince everyone that the true path was my path. Guilty of being ignorant and not really understanding the ways of others and not even wanting to understand them. I'm guilty. For that, I've decided to write an open apology to all those people whom I once turned my back on, to everyone who I hurt in the process of spreading my faith, to Pagans, to other Christians, atheists... everyone.
An Open Apology:
As I write this, I'm thinking of the best way I could express my feelings. Words elude me every few minutes. I guess there is no other way of saying that I'M SORRY. I don't seek forgiveness nor I seek understanding. I only want to try my best to let others know how deeply sorry and ashamed I am of how I used to be and how I used to treat others who didn't believe in what I believed. There are no excuses, no justifications. I could say I was brought up to be like that but that's not a good reason.
I never thought beyond of what I had been taught until the damage was done. I didn't give anyone an opportunity to help me understand why they thought differently. I thought I was doing good when in reality, I was being judgmental, selfish and depriving people of their freedom of expressing themselves how they wanted. I now know how frustrating it is for someone to not understand your ways and simply judge you for the way you look, act or speak... even what you wear.
I'm sorry. I wish I could go back in time and give people back all that time and energy they wasted on me trying to escape from a judgmental, close-minded, intolerant environment. I didn't know but worst of all, I didn't want to know. It's been years since I last did anything similar but I guess it took me to experience it to really know how much it hurts. How much it hurts to have people look at you like a stranger, an anomaly, a weird being. I had no idea. I know this might not be much, maybe not a lot of people will read this but I just wanted to put it out there for anyone to see.
I don't know what else I could say other than I'm sorry.
This is my apology to you. To everyone whom I once judged, looked down on or criticized. I now release this hoping that someone, anyone will read it and know that I understand. There's no hidden agenda, only regret.
Until next time.
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*The information on this blog is my personal opinion based on experience and research. Every post has a source link for credit purposes, should it contain material from other sources. I'm not an expert on any of the subject matters discussed herein and I'm not responsible for the material offered in the websites linked as sources.*
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